A word so simple with such depth
Makes you wonder//
Remember when I gave you that invitation to come on a journey with me?
Well here we go…
About six years ago I decided I would start the process of figuring out who I was- I’ll just be real with you, I was a HOT MESS. But hey, aren’t we all at 15?
I started ignoring all of my kid best friends, and was left stuck, battling a self-worth war in my mind, hearing lies every waking moment that would torment me- reminding me of every harsh thing that was spoken over me by kids who most likely had those same words spoken over them, by every memory of violation, mentally emotionally and physically.
For years I found myself lost and angry because I wondered why things happened to me at such a young age… why did I have to go through this? Why, if I’m His daughter, why did God do this to me?
Depression, anxiety, loneliness thrown at me like baseball sized hail; searching high and low for some kind of anything to bring me worth.
Little did I know that in every muddy hole I dug myself into, He was there, Picking me up and dusting me off
I was living life with a skewed view of who Father God is. I viewed Him as my owner, the guy who sits on his throne and nit-picks at every tiny thing I did wrong constantly blaming Him for not protecting me, for making me follow rules that were redundant and frustrating because I never got them right.
After a lot of time (and I mean A LOT) spent allowing Him to mend the shattered glass that my heart had become… I feel Him.
I feel Him in my literal bones.
My Father who loves me, who is constant, the one who is proud of me, My Father who challenges me and walks me through the challenges.
My father who adores that I get distracted by the moon and the stars in the sky or by the way the wind moves the trees.
Here’s what I realized:
When you’re a hot mess God still chooses you.
I sometimes wonder if he likes it better that way because in that sort of vulnerable place, you became so dependent on Him. I know that I must lean on Him and trust in what I know about His characteristics because He is what I cling to in hard times.
I have to wake up every morning and remember that He chooses me no matter what and I get to choose Him back.
It’s a friendship, a partnership.
So, Why Chosen you wonder? Because it is my mandate to bring this GREAT NEWS to every person I come in contact with that this is the truth about Father God and no matter who you are, where you are in life, or whatever you feel about yourself today, the truth is, He is for you and You are Chosen by Him.
Song of Songs 2-4 (or all of it, really) is a beautiful conversation of this expression of love for us- these are my FAVORITE.