Have you ever been told that you need something and leave the conversation frustrated because how in the world, could another human know what YOU NEED.
I sometimes step into this space in my mind… its like a box. Its not a hopeless box its like a 'forget everything' box. Like an I don’t care, I don’t want to care, I just want to feel and be and curl up if I want to. I have allowed myself to set an unrealistic standard of where I should be and how I should get there. Im not saying its okay to stay in this place - what I am saying is lets notice this, lets be real, lets talk about it and then press through. Let me invite you into my throw up processing session.
The worst kind of betrayal is the kind that comes unexpectedly. All humans hurt other humans. If you're a runner, you can’t keep running from humans simply because, if you haven't noticed, they are everywhere. I can’t stay in my box. Because, when I finally decide to leave, I will still pushing up against the same wall my back was hitting before. Ask yourself this question. Is it easier to live in a cycle because its what you know?
Sure, I’m allowing you into a really deep and vulnerable place here but I’m okay with that because the truth is, there are too many people in life who live in a facade and that sucks. Let's just be real, its more fun.
Yes, I’m a little too blunt sometimes and yes, I see the world in a different light but because I have such a desire to understand humans and just why we are the way we are.
I can’t live angry. I can't live in bitterness, I'll explode. I love people too much.
Im saying all of this because I want to make a point that your experiences with people, your hurts and pain from your past can not be what defines your life. Learn from me, I sat in my self pity and wallowed in all of my anger towards people because of past hurts. I allowed my past to instantly decide how I felt about people. and TBH I still catch myself doing it!
This is me challenging me to STOP IT! its so not worth it.
So, I step aside from the me that I quickly become a little too comfortable with and choose to just be offended if I get offended. No matter how many times in my life I feel rejected or how many times I fail. I am still going to be courageous in the truths about who I am and who the creator of the universe says I am.
There must be something deeper. I know there are like 10,000 more layers to my process and I probably have 100,000 questions to follow each layer. I can sit here and question every little thing and try to figure it out on my own... or just Risk it for the biscuit& trust. Ha.
I am going to bow to every ounce of pride that comes up and surrender. Surrender all that I have trained myself to know. Surrender self protection, saying bye to fear of abandonment, saying bye to pressure, saying bye to fear of trusting.
Welcoming peace; Surrendering habitual thinking, in exchange for His thoughts.
He won’t let me go. He knows I love a good experiment.
He knows me. He knows you. Join me in the challenge?